why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
