she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
