she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
