he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
