I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
