i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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