i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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