Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
