M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize