Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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