he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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