I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
