i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
