i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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