put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i think i just lost a toe
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
