Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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