Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
