Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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