Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
