Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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