yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's the barista slut.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
