what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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