so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
