gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
