The maid of honor just puked.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
