i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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