i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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