somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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