my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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