She said her name was "party"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you inspire me to be a worse person
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
