so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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