i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
