we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
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decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.