I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.