does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.