He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize