So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
