Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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