Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
