just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
