WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
