people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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