my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
