Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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