look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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