he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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