We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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