i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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