You made me cry and you don't even care
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
