Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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