I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
