His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
