Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize