I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
