i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
