i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
