just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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