I'm jealous of your bromance
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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