theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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