roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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