dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
