New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what day is it and did you see me today?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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