My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
