i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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