Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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