Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
