Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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